


If I Ever Leave This World Alive

by JRCash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Beyond the Grave, Black Mirror-AU, But they are very much "alive", Communicating with spirits, Established Relationship, Force Ghosts, Gingerpilot, M/M, Paranormal, Probably an inappropriate use of the Force, Technically one character is dead, Technology, generalpilot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12716487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRCash/pseuds/JRCash
Summary: After General Hux is confirmed dead in the destruction of Starkiller, Poe is left with nothing aside from the grief that the man he loved is gone forever...or so he thinks.The Force can work in mysterious ways.A Star Wars/Black Mirror AU based on Season 2 Episode 1: "Be Right Back".





	1. Chapter 1

Poe stood near the back of the meeting room, leaning against the wall, watching and listening as the debriefing of the destruction of Starkiller took place before him. General Organa stood at the head of a long table, a group of other Resistance leaders flanking her on either side.

A man stepped forward, clearing his throat as the room fell silent. He looked weary, dark circles lay heavy under his eyes, set in by the hours he had spent compiling the report. He scanned the group, a sea of people waiting in anticipation to hear the news. The man began reading aloud from a data pad in his hand. At first, he rattled off a list of technical details of the battle that seemed to grow more complex by the second. Only few in the room cared, or even truly understood, the meaning behind the jargon he was using to explain exactly _how_ Starkiller Base had crumbled into space dust.

After what seemed an eternity, the man paused, the room waiting with a bated breath of what was to come next.

“We have official confirmation. General Hux, as well as other high ranking Order leaders, were killed in the attack on Starkiller base”.

The once silent room erupted around Poe in a flurry of movement and voices. A few personnel let out whoops of joy, quickly quieted by the high counsel, who were having trouble hiding their own elation at the news. Not only was Starkiller destroyed, the Resistance had managed to obliterate some of the Order’s most powerful men.

Poe felt anything but celebratory as the air rushed from his lungs, his head swirling at the words still hanging in the air. He swallowed, forcing back the bile in his throat and the tears that threatened to prick in the corner of his eyes.

 _Don’t show any emotion_ he reminded himself, much like he had in any other meeting where the General’s name was mentioned. Grasping onto the back of a chair, he managed keep himself upright. He had kept their secret for this long. Now was not the time to break down.

 _Keep it together_.

Lifting his head, he quickly composed himself to the best of his ability, hoping no one noticed his momentary lapse of composure. Scanning the room, all other occupants were still too busy with their own personal celebration at the news to notice his lack of joyful reaction. General Organa stepped forward, thanking the officer that had shared the news, bringing order back to the meeting, reminding the group that while it was impressive victory for the Resistance, many of their own were lost in battle as well.

Poe’s head felt heavy as he forced himself to try to pay attention to Leia, the crowd now quietly listening, sombered by her stern reminder. One victory did not mean the war was over. The General rambled on about what action was to be taken next. Poe hardly cared. The rest of the galaxy could collapse and he would still would be damned. Each second felt like an hour, his knuckles beginning to turn white as he grasped the chair tighter for leverage. His collar felt too tight around his neck, the fabric digging into his clammy skin, his forehead beading with droplets of sweat despite the shivers that ran through his body. He couldn’t stand to be in the room any longer, the walls closing in around him.

Slipping towards the exit, Poe managed to stay composed as he began down the long corridors of the base, passing by various people who no doubt had already heard the news. Word spread like wildfire on the base, rumors and bits of information being passed from one person to the next quicker than a ship in light speed. Something this momentous would no doubt reach every corner of D’Qar before the standard hour was over.

With a shaking palm, Poe slammed his hand against the entry pad to his bunk, the door hissing closed behind him. A wave of relief washed over him that he was finally alone, able to drop the facade he was forced to maintain. Stumbling towards his bed, he head swirled with the officer’s words.

_General Hux. Killed._

The man Poe loved was dead.

“It’s not real” Poe muttered to himself as he let his body fall to his cot. “He got away. It’s not real” he continued to murmur, as if by saying it aloud would make reality false.

Pulling a pillow towards him, Poe balled the fabric up in his arms and shoved his face into the down. His body shook with heavy sobs as he let the tears he had been holding back in the briefing room finally fall free.

He had killed Hux. It was his mission, there was no way of avoiding the fact that the General would be on Starkiller when Poe’s squadron attacked. But he had fired those torpedoes, ordered his team to follow suit, to give the thermal oscillator all that they had. He was doing his job, he tried telling himself, fulfilling the mission the Resistance had sent him out to accomplish.

* * *

 

His relationship with Hux had been a secret, as it had to be, for each firmly held to their respective sides of the war. Both knew the risks they had taken, stealing away to meet each other whenever was possible without raising suspicion. Neither had meant to fall for one another, but with each passing moment stolen away, eventually they succumb to their true feelings. What began as clandestine nights, rough fucks of unchecked aggression, fueled by one too many drinks and the thrill that both were doing something so illicit had in time turned into the general and pilot deeply caring for one another. Shore leaves soon turned into time for a secret relationship, a tenderness and trust bleeding through that shaped what was between them into something more.

Throwing the pillow from his grasp, Poe stood from his cot. Tears were still drying on his cheeks as anger welled inside of him. Why did the man he loved so deeply also have to be one to create a machine so evil? How same person who would so tenderly run his fingers through his hair as they lay together, be the same as one who possessed the ability to destroy an entire system without a second thought?

Poe kicked his flight helmet that was laying on the floor, sending the object flying across the room, smacking into the opposite wall, leaving a trail of cracked plaster as it dropped to the ground with a thud. Poe let out a primal yell, his voice bouncing off the walls of his small bunkroom.

“It’s my kriffin’ fault!” Poe shouted, balling his hand into a fist before punching the wall, adding to the damage he had already done. Blood immediately flowed freely from his split knuckles, scarlet splatters dotting the plaster, a steady stream of red trickling down his arm. He hit the wall again, and again, clenching his teeth as he beat his fist into the disintegrating plaster until his entire arm ached. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his eyes blown wide in a concoction of rage and grief. He didn't register the pain of broken skin, adrenaline pulsing through him. He wanted to destroy everything, rip the galaxy apart in order to bring Hux back.

A low whistle echoed from the corner. BB-8 rolled from his charging station, cautiously looking at Poe, who now stood motionless in the middle the room. He stepped back, silently observing the damage he had caused before him. A large hole had formed in the wall, the air heavy with dust, chunks of plaster scattered across the floor. The droid cocked his head to the side, letting out another series of unsure chirps. He had never seen Poe act in such a way before.

“I’m sorry, buddy”. Poe unclenched his fists, the floor around him spattering with droplets of blood as he reached for a towel hanging on the back of a chair to wrap around his injury. He’d forgotten that his droid was in the room, witnessing all that had just taken place. Wincing, he lifted the fabric to examine his bruised and bloodied knuckles before covering them once again. Seeing the wounds he had inflicted on himself made his chest tighten. Broken skin was nothing compared to what Hux must have felt as the planet crumbled beneath him. _Did he stay on the base, like a captain would with a sinking ship, standing proud as the fiery ground beneath opened up to consume him?_  Poe wondered to himself. _Or did he try to flee into the forest? How far could have he gotten before smoke filled his lungs, choking him until he collapsed?_

Dropping to his knees, Poe cradled his injured hand to his chest, the dull pain radiating from his arm not registering in his mind. BB-8 rolled his side, letting out a low whistle as Poe stared down at the floor before him, unmoving. He felt hollow, as if someone had sucked the very life from his body. Tears welled his eyes again, stinging his cheeks as they rolled down his face.

There was no escaping reality. No amount of damage he could inflict would change the fact Hux was dead and there was nothing that would bring him back.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The Resistance kept busy as the days that followed Starkiller turned into a full standard week. Poe still felt numb inside as he tried to go through the motions of helping to repair ships damaged in battle to keep his mind from Hux. He fumbled with tools, the bandages on his hand preventing him from being as useful as he could be, yet no one from his squadron asked how his injuries had occurred. They never did. As long as he appeared well enough to work, questions were never raised about the soundness of his mind.

As much as he tried to forget the General, he couldn’t. Every time someone would come up to him and clap him on the shoulder, offering praises and calling him a _hero_ , Poe felt as though he was going to throw up. He come to terms that he didn’t regret destroying Starkiller itself. The weapon had annihilated an entire system, millions of voices screaming out as they were extinguished in a flash of light, an evil deed created by an evil regime.

He only wished he could have saved Hux.

They’d never talked of personal matters concerning the war. Hux never held him in his arms in those backwater cantinas they met in and whispered sweet nothings to him about a planet destroying machine that he was creating. Poe was never stupid, he knew Hux was part of the Order and would do anything for the cause, just as much Hux knew Poe would never sway from the Resistance. Yet, political ideals never mattered in those moments they had together.

Poe knew that war brought death. He had grieved before,of comrades and members of his squadron that had been killed in battle or lost forever on missions. He'd stood silently and watched as they were laid to rest and as their names were etched into an ever expanding list on a memorial wall.

He never imagined that he would be grieving the enemy.

Poe knew he had to attend the official celebration, thankful that General Organa did not make it a formal event with medals and speeches. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to hold himself together if he had to sit through an actual ceremony. It was supposed to be a night to celebrate a victory, a brief interruption in wartime and a boost of morale.

As he reluctantly made his way towards the gathering, he pushed aside any thought of Hux as he walked through the hallways of the base. Questions and loyalty could easily be raised if he didn't appear anything less than himself. It was a fickle game of balance, an act of appearances he had become all too good at over the past year.

The hangar was full, all ranks mingling together in a large area that had been cleared to accommodate the crowd. Poe tried his best to stay upbeat, accepting the drinks offered to him with a forced smile, taking quick sips of various colored concoctions the other pilots had mixed together for the occasion. He faked laughter at Jessika and Snap’s jokes, both already red in the face from too much liquor, as early in the evening as it was.

His heart broke a little more during each passing minute.

Deciding he needed a moment alone, Poe stepped back from the group of pilots and ground crew that were now singing loudly together to a song floating from the speakers. Poe normally would have joined in, the tune a bit of a inside joke within his squadron that often would be hummed over radio transmissions to one another during flight drills. It now only haunted him of how between radio static on the way towards Starkiller, he had heard the very song he was hearing now.

Making his way back towards a group of ships, he spotted a stack of crates tucked away in the shadows. Climbing up, Poe sat atop a crate, taking a long sip from his cup and wincing at the taste. It seemed as though Snap had just emptied jet fuel into a cup and deemed it consumable. Whatever it was, it was doing it’s job. The less sober he was, the less he could feel, which was a welcomed relief after days of nothing but grief and the dull ache of his hand being the only real things he could register.

A shadowy figure stepped out from between two ships, a long cloak pulled up over his head. Startled, Poe stiffened in his spot as he watched the figure reach up to lower his hood.

“Needed a break?” the man asked, stepping into the light.

Poe vaguely remembered the mysterious Jedi from his youth. As a young boy, he watched as his parents accepted a gift from the man. The Force tree still stood in front of his childhood home on Yavin, a tangle of glowing branches that seemed as complex as the Jedi himself. His face was now weathered, years of heartbreak and dismay showing in his wrinkled skin.

“Master Skywalker” Poe began, his words quickly met with a wave of the Jedi’s hand interrupting him.

“I haven’t gone by that name in a long time. Luke is fine”. A weak smile crossed his face as he spoke. “Take a walk with me, Dameron”?

Poe opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it as he set his cup down on the crate beside him before jumping down from his seat. It was doing him no good hiding in the shadows of the celebration, quietly wallowing in his secret misery. If anything, the walk with the mysterious Jedi was a perfect excuse to leave the party for a bit.

* * *

 

The grassy knolls surrounding the base on D’Qar were shrouded in the hazy purple light of dusk. Poe followed behind the Jedi as he made his way up the embankment. Reaching the top, Luke scanned the base, the faint noise of people celebrating floated through the air from down below.

“Why’d you bring me here?” Poe asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.

“You are troubled. I can sense it” Luke replied easily as he folded his hands together, letting the long sleeves of his robes cover them.

“It’s just been a lot to take in in the past few days” Poe said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Luke silently nodded, his gaze breaking from the base that stretched out below them to focus on the pilot standing before him.

“I remember the feeling. After destroying the Death Star, it was a lot to process, all while still keeping up with a war continuing on. But this is something more. You are grieving for the loss of someone, someone you loved deeply”.

Poe quickly went on the defensive. “No, nothing like that. Just coming down from adrenaline still” he lied.

Luke’s eyebrow ticked up in disbelief. “It would be best if you stopped lying to yourself first” the Jedi said bluntly. “There is something that may help you though”.

Poe looked at Luke skeptically, debating within himself if the Jedi was to be trusted.

“It's not at bottom of whatever that jet fuel your squadron is passing off as liquor or whatever you put your fist through” the Jedi said, his eyes falling to the bandages wrapped around Poe’s hand. “This will let you speak to whoever you are mourning” Luke explained. “I know they are dead, but it wouldn’t work if they weren’t”.

“I don’t want any of your force mumbo-jumbo” Poe quickly shot back. He wasn’t sure what Luke was getting at, but the Jedi had encroached into a personal territory that Poe was not willing to speak about with anyone, let alone a relative stranger. “I’m not a force user anyways” Poe added sternly, hoping that Luke would dismiss whatever idea he was getting at. He suddenly wished the Jedi would have just left him alone to drink in peace.

“You don't have to be” Luke replied. “Just consider it”.

“I don’t have to consider anything. They’re dead and they aren’t coming back” Poe retorted firmly. The words cut through him the second he said them, anger welling in his chest as the passive Jedi watched him intently.

He hated this. He hated Luke. There was nothing more Poe wanted than to slam down the liquor he had left behind in the hangar, and a cup after that and another one following. He wanted to feel the burn as it ran down his throat and settle into his stomach, until the liquor fogged his mind and he slipped into blackness.

Luke said nothing more as the pilot huffed in displeasure, turning to march down the hill, his combat boots stamping into the grass as he made his way back towards the base. Bypassing the celebration, Poe dismissed the cup liquor he had left behind, wanting nothing to do with anyone, hoping he could slip past the celebration unnoticed.

Avoiding the hangar successfully, the base otherwise was empty, the halls clear of the normal hustle and bustle of evening operations. Poe nearly sprinted the rest of the way back to his bunk room, engaging the locking mechanism on his door as soon as it hissed shut.

What did Luke know about anything anyways? He’d run from his problems, hiding away on some island for years rather than helping his sister and the Resistance as the galaxy fell into ruin again. The rumors that floated around base after the Jedi returned were quiet, yet all the same. He'd only returned to comfort Leia in the loss of Han, not join in the fight.

Poe sank down onto his cot, kicking his boots off before swinging his legs up onto his bed, the rusty springs creaking beneath his weight. Resting his back against the wall, the silence of the room settled in around him, leaving him to only his thoughts.

_The galaxy was better off without Hux._

Poe knew the atrocities that the man he loved had committed for the Order and had been subjected to torture of his own by the cause Hux believed in. He’d read the intelligence reports, compiled together from information gathered by Resistance spies that had planted themselves in the First Order that told the truth of how Hux operated.

Despite all of that, he couldn’t forget the times he and Hux had laid together for hours, the General’s pale fingers running through his hair as he rested his head against his bare chest. Even it was just for a few hours, Hux wasn’t the ruthless killer the Order had shaped him to be. He understood Hux differently. No one in the galaxy knew that under the cold calculating exterior, was a man who genuinely laughed at Poe’s corny jokes and had a certain gentleness that he only exposed in the most of intimate of moments.   
  
Poe reached for his datapad, knowing sleep would not easily come to him that night, even with a bit of residual liquor from earlier coursing through his body. He heeded Luke’s advice on not self destructing, already disillusioned that it had not brought him any comfort. Opening a file, he began working on a briefing General Organa had been pestering him to finish for days. He tried to clear his mind as he typed, filling out the necessary forms she required, trying to lose himself in the mindless data.

The screen froze for a moment, causing Poe to pause his typing. A message popped up, blocking his view from the document he had been working on.   
  
The encrypted message continued to float in the center of the screen, the two simple words illuminated by a gentle blue glow. Sitting up, Poe couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

_“It’s me”._

Tapping at the screen, Poe quickly tried to trace the source. A long series of coded numbers gave him no answers to where the message may have originated from. Much as the few messages Hux had managed to send him while he was alive, this one remained a mystery, untraceable and vague.

_This isn’t real._

Poe threw his data pad to the end of his cot as if it had shocked him. Standing from the bed, he paced in a circle, rubbing his hand against his jawline, confusion and anger welling within him.

He’d seen and heard some strange things in his travels across the galaxy, but communicating with the dead was something that was only believed in by spice addled beings tucked away in seedy cantinas.

_Had he gone insane?_

Pausing, Poe’s hands fell from his face before he stepped cautiously towards the discarded data pad. Pushing aside the tangled mess of blankets it had landed in, he picked it up again with a shaking hand. The screen remained illuminated, the words still hovering, waiting a reply. 

Taking a deep breath, Poe sat down against the edge of his cot. Logic told him it wasn't real, yet curiosity got the best of him.

_What was the worst that could happen?_

Slowly tapping his finger against the screen, he began typing out a reply to the ghostly message.

“Who is this?”

Poe stared at his reflection in the screen, holding his breath as he waited for an answer.

“It’s the late Darth Vader” the response popped up, quickly followed by another. “It’s Armitage. As much as I love the technical side of things, it would be too much to explain all at once”.

 _No_.

The message was exactly as something Hux would have typed. Same proper punctuation, neatly quipped with the sarcastic humor only Poe knew the General possessed beneath his ridged exterior.

_This isn't happening._

* * *

 

Poe ran down the corridors of the base, the celebration still going strong in the hangar as he frantically scanned the room for Luke. Spotting the Jedi in a far corner, Poe jogged up to the man, grasping him by the shoulders.

“We need to talk” Poe hissed lowly, his eyes nervously darting over his shoulder before back to Luke.

Unaffected by the pilot’s actions, Luke slowly set his cup aside and rose from the crate he was using as a makeshift seat. Adjusting his robes, Luke nodded, jestering Poe to follow him outside.

Any light had long faded, leaving the base in total darkness aside from a few glowing lights dotting the edges of the runways.

“Is this a joke? This is a sick joke!” Poe rambled, his words bleeding into one another as he spoke.

“No. It’s not a joke, Dameron. Calm down”.

Poe pushed back the errant curls that had fallen into his face, standing still from his pacing for a second to look at the Jedi.

“Well, what is it then?” he demanded.

“It’s a system that uses the Force to translate messages from people who have passed on. It’s still in a beta mode, but it pulls any information from the holonet the deceased person may have posted in life. Messages, transmissions, holofilms, whatnot. It recreates them in a way and with the Force, allows them to manifest as their former selfs to communicate with the living. Quite an interesting bit of technology really”.

Poe shook his head in disbelief.

“It can’t be. This isn’t a real thing” Poe protested, trying to fathom what Luke was telling him.

“Jedi can manifest themselves after death through the Force. This is just a way for the non-force sensitives to do it as well”.

“So what do I do?” Poe asked frantically.

“Talk to them” Luke replied casually, a smile peeking out from his beard.

Poe was at a loss for words, the gentle smile from the Jedi causing him to silently nod back, not sure what exactly what he was agreeing to, but abiding regardless. There was a calm that fell around him, as if the Force was telling him it was going to be alright.

  
Poe walked back to his room in disbelief. Shutting the door behind him, he quickly checked that BB-8 was still in low power mode before sitting back down on his cot. Reaching for his data pad, he tapped against the screen, illuminating the device. The messages were still there, awaiting his reply.

Noticeably calmer than before, Poe rested back against the wall that paralleled his cot, crossing his legs beneath him to rest the his data pad against them.

“I wish I could speak to you” Poe typed, hitting the send button with a bated breath, a strange feeling of reassurance within him that Hux, wherever he may be, was waiting for his response.

“What are you doing now?” the message replied.

Poe let the air he had been holding in escape in a muffled chuckle. Leave it to Hux to give a smart ass answer to him even from beyond the grave. His data pad trembled in his shaking hands as he went to type a reply.

“No, really speak to you” Poe messaged back. He needed to hear Hux’s voice to make this all real, to truly confirm to him that this was actually happening.

“We can speak”.

“How?”

“Do you have your comlink?”

“Yes”

“Get it and turn it on”.

Poe sat up, stretching across his cot to the small nightstand to do as the message had instructed. His shaky fingers fumbled before grasping onto the device.

Turning the comlink on, Poe held it in his hand, the crackling and hissing of static cutting through the silence of his bunk. He waited with a bated breath, for anything, anyone, to come through the feed.

“Hello?” Hux’s voice cut through the white noise, the single word clipped with the General’s signature Imperial accent.

Poe gasped, tears instantly welling in his eyes as he sat in stunned silence.

“Hello?” Hux’s voice repeated, almost annoyed sounding that Poe had not responded yet.

“Hello” Poe mustered up the strength to respond, his reply cracking with a sob as he spoke. “I think I’m going crazy” Poe added, a tear slipping down his cheek, his face heating in embarrassment that he could so easily break down at just that sound of Hux’s voice.

“You aren’t crying, are you?” Hux said flatly.

Poe chuckled, sniffing in a sob, trying to hide his emotion. “You always said I looked weird when I cried”.

“And you always said I was a bit of an asshole, didn’t you?” Hux clipped back, not missing a beat.

“Yeah, you were” Poe choked back, his chest tightening.

Hux’s voice softened into the tone that only Poe knew the rigid General could posses. “But in a good way?”

Poe smiled weakly, his cheeks stained damp with tears.

“Yeah. But in a good way to me”. 


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few standard weeks, Poe quickly became all consumed with talking to Hux, stealing away whenever he could to speak to him. He would rush through his daily duties, handing off as many assignments as he could to other members of his squadron so he could head up to the secluded hills surrounding the base to conversate with Hux.

They would talk about anything and everything, Poe telling Hux the mundane details of his day, always carefully leaving out any information that could led the Order to his location. As much as Poe enjoyed speaking to Hux, he was still cautious with him as he had been when they met in real life, never sure what exactly Hux might share with the First Order. While Hux had never mentioned it, Poe wondered if the General had managed to contact anyone else, specially the Order, from beyond the grave. The man hardly rested in life, always engrossed in work. Death would likely only be a minor inconvenience to Hux if it was possible to continue on with his duties.

Poe settled into the grass, stretching his legs out in front of him as he crossed his boots at the ankle. He looked out across the rolling green hills, the sun dipping low in the horizon line casting long shadows across the outcropping of buildings that composed the base. Bringing the comlink up to his mouth, he continued his conversation with Hux.

“I wish would could have gotten out and done things. Like a normal couple. Gone places. I always wanted to show you a planet that was green and beautiful” Poe confessed, thinking back to how aside from holed up in small rooms above cantinas on dusty outer rim moons, they’d never been on a proper date. He’d always felt a bit sorry for Hux, the General having spent most of his life aboard ships, rarely breathing fresh air or setting foot planetside.

“You speak about me like I’m not here” Hux replied, a slight sadness in his words.

“Sorry”.

“It’s alright. I’m not really”. Hux paused. “Show me what it’s like where you are”.

“How?” Poe asked curiously. Hux was nothing but a voice on the opposite end of a com feed, there was no way he could see his surroundings.

“Do you have your datapad with you?”

“Yeah” Poe admitted.

“Turn it on. Take a holo. I can see it then”.

Poe fumbled for the cargo pocket at the side of his pants, about to reach for his data pad and do as Hux had instructed when he abruptly stopped.

“I can’t do that”.

“You’re on a Resistance base, aren’t you?”

“I am”.

“I’m dead, Poe. What can I do if I knew your location now?”

“No” Poe said firmly. “We always agreed that we wouldn’t talk about that kind of stuff when we were together”.

“I understand” Hux said glumly. The topic of conversation quickly shifted back to idle chatter, Poe rambling on about a particular ship repair he’d conducted earlier that day.

Poe began down the hill making his way back towards the base, too engrossed with talking to Hux to notice a large rock jutting out from the hillside. The tip of his boot caught against the edge, tripping him, his body falling forward as his comlink ejected from his hand, smashing into the ground.

Falling to his knees, Poe grasped at the shattered pieces of his device scattered in the grass around him.

_No no no!_

The comlink was unusable. Wires dangled from the broken pieces as Poe tried to fit them back together, the plastic cracked and shattered beyond repair.

Biting back tears, Poe wanted to scream.

_I can't lose him again._

His breath was heavy, his chest rising and falling rapidly as pushed himself up from the ground. He had skinned his knee, an uneven circle of fresh blood dotted the rip in the khaki fabric of his pants and his jacket was covered in dirt. He scrambled to collect his broken comlink, too preoccupied with getting Hux back to worry about his own minor injury.

Shoving the pieces into his pocket, Poe sprinted the rest of the way back to the base, jumping over small cleaning droids, squeezing his way past confused looking personale as he made his way through the winding hallways.

Not bothering to knock, Poe pushed past Leia’s protesting assistant into her office.

“General Organa” Poe said, trying to catch his breath. “I need a new comlink”.

“This would be the third one this year, Dameron” Leia said gently, setting a data pad aside on her desk as she looked up at the distressed pilot before her. Her eyebrow ticked up in surprise when she noticed the pilot’s ripped pants and disheveled appeared. “Your knee is bleeding. Is everything alright?”

“I was talking, I tripped, it flew out of my hand and shattered on the ground. Please. I need a new one” Poe practically begged, dismissing any of Leia’s questions about his well being.

“We can’t afford to be replacing comlinks left and right” Leia replied. “But since we do need to keep in contact with you, I suppose I could let this little accident slide”. Pushing her chair back from her desk, Leia reached down to a drawer in her desk, withdrawing a small box and handing it over to Poe.

“Thank you General. I promise, I’ll be careful with this one” Poe said hastily as he reached forward, eagerly taking the box from Leia’s hands like a greedy child.

Leia nodded, smiling gently at the pilot as he turned on his heel to leave. “Get some bacta on that knee of yours”.

She gave Poe a month before he was back begging for another.

* * *

 

Poe rushed into his bunk, fumbling for the charger that hung from the outlet on the wall next to his cot. Slamming the connector into the port, the comlink instantly began to buzz with an incoming call.

Poe clicked the button on the side to answer, hastily holding the speaker up to his mouth as best he could despite still being attached to the charging device.

“I’m sorry” Poe blurted out.

“For what?” Hux asked flatly.

“I broke you”

“You can’t break me, Poe. I’m not actually in your comlink”.

“Okay. Okay” Poe assured, more to himself than to Hux. “I know you aren’t”.

“I’m not going anywhere”.

“I was just scared I lost you again”.

“I’ve been meaning to speak to you about that” Hux said casually. “You know there's another level to this”.

Poe gripped his comlink tightly, trying to figure out what Hux could mean by his words.

“What do you mean another level?”

“You would first need to get to a place with a strong connection to the Force”. 


	4. Chapter 4

Poe began the landing sequence, flipping the appropriate levers as a large green island surrounded by churning black waves spread out before him as his ship broke through the atmosphere. With a low hiss, Black One bumped down to land on a rocky outcropping that jutted over the sea. As he pushed the top hatch of the ship open, Poe was greeted with a strong, cool breeze that smelled strongly of salt. Dark grey clouds loomed overhead, the promise of a coming rainstorm on the horizon.

Reaching down into the cockpit, Poe hurried to grab his jacket and a small bag he had packed that contained basic necessities: a few dozen ration bars, a change of clothes and a standard issue survival kit.

Luke had been vague when instructing him to the island, only telling him that he should be prepared for a journey and for the unknown. For a man who had spent years living there, he was little help, aside from giving Poe the correct coordinates to follow. He was going into this blind, which left a feeling of uneasiness in the pit of his stomach.

Poe clenched his comlink tightly in his hand as he made his way up the rocky stairs that twisted and wove up the side of the mountain. There was no apparent life on the island, aside from a few small seabirds that were startled by the passing pilot, squawking and flapping their wings as they hopped away quickly from the intruder. Yet, as isolated and barren as the island was, the very rocks and wind seemed to hum with a vibrant energy.

Poe’s comlink buzzed in his hand, surprising him as he paused on a flat stair to catch his breath. There was no way this far out in the reaches of the galaxy a signal could be strong enough. Leia had spent years searching for her brother hiding on this remote island, too far into the deep expanses of the space to be reached by a simple call.

Clicking the comlink on, a hiss of static mellowed to Hux’s voice.

“Keep going” the General urged through the weak connection.

A strange feeling settled within him, almost as the Force itself was pushing him to continue on. Ascending the final set of steep stairs, Poe’s muscles burned from the climb. The top of the rocky island spread out before him in a flat circle, tall grass swaying in the breeze. He tried to gather his bearings when a flash of ginger in the sunlight breaking through the overcast skies above him caught his attention. It was gone in a second, Poe turning on his heel, frantically scanning the surrounding area, his mind no doubt playing tricks on him as he searched for the source. Taking a few steps forward, Poe hesitantly called out into the wind.

“Armitage?”

There was no response, only the sound of crashing waves and the unrelenting breeze whipping around him.

“Armitage!” Poe called out again, louder this time.

“Hello”.

Poe spun around immediately. Near the edge of the stairs he had just climbed, there was Hux, standing there as clear as day, ever bit as imposing as rigid as he was in life.

“How…” Poe stammered, in complete shock.

The General’s long overcoat flapped in the strong wind blowing in from the ocean, his icy eyes staring across the short distance that separated them. Taking a step forward, Hux smirked at Poe’s expression, his eyes wide and mouth hanging agape, any further words lost.

“Must you stare? It’s a bit creepy to be honest” Hux clipped, the corners of his lips ticking up into smirk.

“It’s...it’s just….” Poe stammered, unable to form an actual sentence.

“Come on. At least let’s go inside to talk” Hux said sharply, jestering to a small hut nestled at the far edge of the rocky clearing.

Poe nodded blankly, following Hux across the clearing. The sunlight had faded away back behind the heavy clouds, returning the island to a dreary grey.

Ducking inside of the doorway, Hux seemed unaffected that he was seemingly back from the dead, making himself comfortable as he sat down on a low wooden bench. Poe stepped into the hut, unsure of how any of this was possible, watching as Hux leaned back on the bench, crossing one of his long legs over the other, his impeccably polished boots glinting in the hazy light as he removed his hat and rested it against his lap.

“Sit” Hux ordered as he patted his palm against the empty space on the bench next to him. “You’re acting like we’ve never met and if I recall correctly” Hux’s lips twitched into a sly smile . “We’ve been in much more intimate positions than this”.

Poe stepped forward, setting his pack down near the doorway before inching his way towards the spot Hux was urging him to. His fingers twitched at his side, grazing against the butt of the blaster strapped to his leg as he approached the General. Easing slowly down, Poe kept as much space as possible between them as he sat, his spine rigid, his body unsure of how to relax in such a strange situation.

“Do you want me to start a fire?” Hux asked, kicking at a bit of ash near the firepit that sat in the middle of the hut with the tip of his boot.

“No” Poe replied bluntly, despite the damp chill of the room that caused goosebumps to dot his arms beneath his jacket. “I’m fine”.

Hux nodded slowly, glancing over at the pilot he once knew so well, not sure what to do or say to put him at ease.

“I need a drink” Poe admitted. His mind was reeling, trying to process how he was even so much as in the same space as Hux at the moment.

Hux rummaged into his great coat, pulling a small silver flask from an interior pocket and offered it over to Poe, who took it with a shaking hand.

Unscrewing the top, Poe sniffed at the contents, not sure if he should consume a liquor offered to him by a dead man.

“It’s Corellian brandy” Hux assured him.

“That was always your favorite” Poe replied, a small smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

Figuring nothing stranger could happen, Poe brought the opening of the flask to his lips, taking a long sip. The amber liquor flowed over his tongue, the liquid tasting exactly how he remembered Hux’s kisses to taste. Sweet, yet sharp. He swallowed, stealing a glance at Hux from over the edge of the container and taking one last long gulp before lowering the flask and offering the brandy over to Hux.

“I don’t need to drink anymore. As much as I miss it, it doesn’t do me any good now”.

A silence fell between the two men. Poe shifted his weight, trying to force himself to be comfortable, but his nerves fought back, his body remaining stiff and on edge.

“You look good” Poe admitted, trying to find something to say, still bewildered.

“You always said that”.

“No, I mean you look like you, but without all the troubles that consumed you…” Poe paused, not sure how to word his thoughts.

“When I was living?” Hux finished for him.  
  
“Yes”.

Poe paused for moment.

“Can I ask you something?”

Hux nodded.

“How exactly did you die?” Poe asked quietly.

“Of all the things, that's what you want to know?” Hux replied, a hint of laughter ringing in his voice. “I figured you were going to barrage me with questions once we were together but…” Hux trailed off, noticing Poe’s solemn expression, clearly unamused that the General had taken his question so lightheartedly.

“You've really been thinking about that?”

“Day and night. Since I heard that you had been killed” Poe admitted.

Hux sighed. “The planet had already begun to collapse. I left my men and went out into the forest”.

“Why?” Poe asked, trying to make sense of it all.

“It was ordered of me by the Supreme Leader to find Kylo Ren” Hux admitted freely.

Anger flared in Poe’s chest as he balled his hands into tight fists at his sides, jumping up from the bench. The fact that the man he loved had been taken from him because of orders to save the one who had tortured him and invaded his mind made him want destroy everything in the small hut.

“For him?” Poe yelled out, pacing back and forth. “You died because of him?”

“I was following what was commanded of me” Hux replied easily. “Otherwise I would have stayed at my post. Either way, it would not have ended well”.

Poe halted his pacing, turning to face the General. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he tried to steady himself. He could hear his heart beating, blood rushing in his ears. His stomach churned with guilt, his mouth dry as he began to speak.

“I led the assault on Starkiller” Poe admitted.

“I know you did. I saw your ship coming for us”.

It had all been a blur as the alarms on Starkiller sounded as Hux rushed to the viewport. He’d watched as the black and orange X Wing swooped and dove over his base, knowing who was behind the controls. He gave orders to deploy his own troops, watching with a bated breath as TIE fighters screamed into the sky and began shooting down the Resistance ships, picking them off one by one. He remembered closing his eyes, ignoring the chaos on the bridge behind him, silently praying to himself that his men would take down any ship except for Poe’s, that somehow his pilot would escape alive.

Poe unclenched his fists, his knuckles aching from the pressure. Running his fingers through his hair with a shaking hand, Poe looked mournfully down at Hux.

“I killed you”.

“It's not your fault” Hux shifted his weight, uncrossing his legs to sit up straight. “Don't blame yourself”.

Poe stood unmoved. He wanted to take the blame. He’d fired those shots onto the oscillator, he had radioed to his squadron to follow suit and give it all they got. Every night since, he woke in his cot in a cold sweat. The nightmare was always the same, the battle replaying over and over again in his mind. He would tell himself in the darkness that he had just been doing his job. That this was a war and he only was doing what he commanded to do, but his words never calmed him any. It only got worse after the debriefing. Poe then dreamt of the bombs he had dropped landing directly on Hux, exploding over his body, scattering him in a million pieces as he cried out to Poe.

“Poe, please. Come here” Hux said, hating that he was so far away. That the pilot was taking responsibility for everything that had gone wrong that day.

Poe sat back down, turning his body on the bench slightly, bringing a leg up to rest against the worn wood to face Hux. Ever so carefully, Poe reached out, his fingers gently stroking against Hux’s sharp jawline. Tracing against his pale skin, Poe was surprised to find that Hux was solid, even warm to the touch like an actual living human being. His cheek was smooth against his calloused fingertips, his flesh unmarred as if he had died peacefully in his sleep, not in fiery collapse of a planet turned weapon. Poe continued to trace against Hux’s skin, trailing along his neckline until his fingers caught against the stiff collar of his uniform shirt.

“Does seeing me bother you?” Hux asked, causing Poe’s eyes to dart up to meet his own.

“Yes” Poe answered honestly, not sure what to think about actually being able to touch Hux again. It had been so different when he was just letters in a coded message or a voice at the opposite end of a com feed. “But no” he quickly added, shaking his head as he rested his hand against Hux. “I don’t know”.

Sucking in a deep breath, Poe could feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again, overwhelmed that he was actually with Hux once again. “I missed you. I missed you so much”.

“Poe...Poe...don’t”. Hux said softly as he leaned closer to Poe, raising his own hand to run down the outside of the pilot’s arm.

Poe closed the space between them, relaxing into the feeling of Hux’s touch as he pressed his lips against the General’s. The pilot’s mind raced in a million different directions, trying to make sense of it all while simultaneously telling himself to stop thinking so much and appreciate the moment.

_Hux was really here._

Losing himself in Hux’s affections, Poe’s hands trailed down to the front of the General’s pressed uniform. He’d long memorized how to unbutton his uniform shirt, the hidden closures tucked beneath a crisp flap of fabric. Working them open with a practiced ease, Poe continued to return the General’s feverish kisses. He needed to feel every inch of Hux, as if he were to miss a spot, Hux would disappear forever.

Breaking from the kiss, Hux pulled back, a half smile on his face as he looked at the pilot before him.

“You were always so greedy”.

“It's just been so long. And I need this” Poe admitted, hating how desperate his words made him seem. He'd thought he would never have Hux again, or any relations, if he was being honest with himself. The touch of any other man would never have measured up to Hux’s.

Hux pulled the fabric of his shirt from his arms, discarding it to the floor. Poe reached out hesitantly, tracing against the General's torso with a curious look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Hux asked, studying the pilot’s expression, which had twisted into a look of concern.

“You had a mole there” Poe replied, tapping the tip of his finger against the clean expanse of skin near his collarbone.

“Hang on”.

Hux’s brows furrowed for a moment, as if he was deep in thought. A darkened circle appeared on his skin, causing Poe to pull his hand away in shock.

“That's ridiculous” Poe said, his voice full of surprise. “How...how did you do that?”

Hux only smirked, cocking his head to the side, unaffected by what had just transpired.

Poe reached out again to Hux’s chest, tracing over the newly formed spot with a shaking finger. It felt exactly as it did when Hux was living. Smooth, yet raised slightly from the surrounding area. It was such a superficial detail about the General, but now that it had reappeared, it made him all the more real.

Leaning forward, Poe closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Hux's once again. He could feel his entire body trembling as they made contact. As he felt the warmth from Hux and the gentle press of his lips returning the affection, his body stilled. He felt Hux’s hands tugging at the fabric of his shirt tucked into his waistband, his arms pulling back on their own accord to shrug his coat free of his shoulders. The nerf leather garment fell to join Hux’s shirt on the floor. Hux continued, nipping at the pilot’s bottom lip before lifting his shirt over his head, Poe’s arms raising to let the thin cotton leave his body. He scooted closer to Hux, nearly crawling into his lap as he rested his hands against the General’s bare shoulders.

Poe examined the General, staring deep into Hux’s eyes as he stole a quick kiss from him. Poe did not return the affection, instead reaching up to run his fingers through the General’s hair, working the rigid style looser with each pass of his hands.

“Should I stop?” Hux asked.

Poe toyed with the ends of the General’s hair at the nape of his neck, watching as the ends of the ginger locks curled around his fingertips. Hux’s hair had always been exceptionally soft, despite the stiff gel he normally wore to style it. Poe shook his head, letting the last of the strands go, his hand returning to Hux’s cheek.

“No. Don't stop” he urged, tracing against the General’s smooth jaw line.

“Maybe we should relocate then” Hux suggested.

At the far corner of hut, a low pallet sat with a thin mattress atop of it. It was no better than the bowing beds with threadbare sheets in the cantina rooms they had met in so many times before. Poe shifted his weight from Hux, allowing the General to stand first, offering his hand out to help Poe up from the bench.

Poe follow Hux towards the bed, toeing off his worn combat boots as they reached the edge. Hux sat down first, leaning forward to remove his own boots.

“You were always so methodical” Poe commented, watching as Hux pulled the stiff, shiny leather from one foot and then the other. “Do you remember the time I accidentally scuffed your boot?”

Hux placed his boots against the edge of the pallet, adjusting them so the toes lined up perfectly, ready to pass regulation inspection, before looking up to the pilot next to him.

“I do. You stepped on my foot and got mud all over them”.

Poe chuckled. They had been too caught up in the moment, stumbling into a cantina room entangled in one another, unwilling to cease kissing each other for even a second to get through the door. Poe was trying to gain the upper hand. His shorter height forced him to leap up towards the General, who did not catch the pilot’s full weight before his leg slipped free of his grasp, dirty combat boot landing firmly on top of Hux’s freshly polished shoes. At first, Hux had given Poe a stern look, huffing as he examined the streak of mud across his boot. Then, his expression had softened, his sharp features relaxing. A genuine laugh crinkled the corners of his eyes and made him grab hold of Poe and kiss him even deeper than he had ever before.

It was the first time Poe realized there was something more to the General than the cold and calculating way the rest of the galaxy saw him. That he was just a man after all, despite his allegiances, one that was capable of emotions aside from anger and hatred. That there was actually something more between them than a physical release. 

Poe lay back against the pallet biting back tears as Hux hovered above him, supporting his weight on his arms. Hux’s palms pressed down into the thin mattress next to Poe’s head.

Poe stole a quick kiss before saying something he wished he would had said to the General long before Starkiller. 

“I love you” Poe whispered, his breath catching in his throat.

Hux stared gently down at the pilot beneath him, a few strands of ginger hair dangling over his eyes. 

“I love you too” Hux echoed back.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next few days, Poe had all but forgotten about the rest of the galaxy. The General and the pilot fell into an easy routine with one another, spending the majority of their time in the small hut, entangled with one another. Occasionally, they would venture out in an attempt to explore the island. They would never get far before a rainstorm would blow in from the ocean, forcing them back inside, neither man complaining.

In the back his mind, Poe knew it wasn't real. There was no way it could be _real_ , yet he pushed aside the thoughts, taking in every moment he could with Hux. It was as if by some strange loophole, he'd fallen into another dimension where sides of a war didn't matter, Starkiller never existed and they were just allowed to _be_.

* * *

 

The small fire pit in the center of the hut had nearly burnt itself out over the course of the night. Hux placed a fresh log into the pit, crouching down near the dying embers, blowing gently on them until small licks of flame sprouted up around the wood. Satisfied that it had taken, he stood, stepping back and looked over towards the pilot, who was finishing dressing near the bed.

“I’ll make you something to eat” the General offered.

Poe’s stomach growled. He'd been living off of the ration bars he'd brought in his pack, always offering some to Hux, who always dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

“The dead don't need to eat” the General would remind him calmly.

It was one of the few times Hux would comment on his current state, bringing Poe’s fantasy crashing back to reality for a few seconds.

“What is your favorite meal?” Hux asked curiously, his attention drawing away from the flames.

“Don't you remember?” Poe questioned back. He was trying to recall if he'd ever shared the information with Hux before, coming up blank with a time that the topic may have ever come up between them.

“No. I don't.” Hux stared blankly at Poe, as if he was waiting to be fed the correct information for a response, his eyes searching the pilot for any clues.

“Traladon ribs”.

“Oh. Right. I will remember that from now on” Hux stated smoothly, almost droid-like, as if he was filing it away into a databank and not a human mind.

Hux took a seat on the low bench, occupying himself by fiddling with a loose thread on his great coat.

_Another glitch_ Poe thought to himself.

Luke had said that the technology was still in beta, that it fed off an connection to the Force and any information the deceased had left behind while they were alive. Poe hadn't bothered to question the actual logistics further, too consumed with grief and the prospect that he could be with Hux once again.

He suddenly felt sick to his stomach, any hunger forgotten as he forced back the bile that threatened to rise in his throat.   
This man who he'd spent the past days with wasn't Hux. This man was only a shell of what the General was, feeding from memories, a shabby imitation of the man Poe had loved and lost.

Nothing could _ever_ replace him.

Anger welled inside of Poe as he crossed the hut in a few short strides towards Hux. Grabbing the man by the lapels of his coat, he dragged him up to stand. Their faces were inches from one another, Poe’s eyes blown black with rage as they met Hux’s confused expression at the pilot’s sudden change of heart.

“Get out! Just get out!” Poe shouted, dragging Hux towards the door of the hut. Despite their height difference, Poe’s stocky build had muscle that Hux’s lanky frame lacked. Pushing him towards the doorframe, he released his grasp on the General, who remained unmoved, looking back, bewildered.

“You will never be him!” Poe roared at Hux. “Get out!”

The General said nothing as he stood planted in the spot he was in.

Poe charged at Hux, the palms of his hands meeting Hux’s chest, pushing against him with all the might he could muster. “Kriffing hell! You don't know anything about me. You never did!”

“I knew plenty about you” Hux replied, his tone even, almost distant.

“Do something!” Poe demanded. “The real Armitage would have never just stood there! Kriffin’ fight me back! Hit me like the Rebel scum I am!”   
  
“I never hit you” Hux replied calmly.

“You might have if I did this!” Poe screamed, drawing his fist back and driving it into Hux’s shoulder, causing him to stumbling back a step. “Or I don’t know...this!” Poe yelled as he raised his fist again, slamming it into Hux’s jaw with a sickening crack that echoed off the stoney walls. Hux barely moved as Poe recoiled in pain before him, grasping his hand to his chest.

“You murdered millions! Your hands were stained blood. Just kriffing fight me, ‘Tage” Poe cried out, his dark eyes looking up at the General who still stood before him.

“No” Hux responded blankly, turning on his heel to exit the hut. Letting the door slam behind him, he disappeared into the faint morning light as Poe fell to his knees, still grasping at his throbbing hand as sobs engulfed him.

* * *

 

Poe woke on the floor of the hut, his body stiff from laying on packed dirt. He wasn't sure if he had passed out or fallen asleep, the last clear memory being one of him dropping to his knees, yelling out in pain and heartbreak between heaves and sobs. Stretching his arms above him, pain shot down from his right hand as he attempted to flex his fingers, causing the memories of slamming his fist into Hux’s sharp jaw to come flooding back to him. Hux was nowhere to be seen as Poe rolled to his side, mustering up the energy to stand.

Pushing the door open, Poe immediately saw Hux sitting with his back to the hut on a far rock near the edge of the clearing. Crossing the space, Poe approached the General, who was hunched over with his knees pulled to his chest and his great coat wrapped around him. His eyes were fixed on the sea, watching as the swells of waves rolled in and crashed against the shoreline below.

“What are you doing?” Poe asked, his words mixing with the strong wind that never seemed to cease on the island.

“Waiting for you to calm down”.

“I wanted you to leave” Poe said firmly.

“Did you?’ Hux asked innocently as he stood from the rock, straightening himself to his full height. “If I leave a place that isn’t connected to the Force, I’m unable to apparate”.

Poe looked at Hux, taking in his rigid stance as the General crossed his arms behind him, standing at a parade rest as if it was the most natural thing in the galaxy to do.

“Or you are thinking about shoving me over the edge. It's a long way down and the rocks below look quite sharp” Hux added, glancing over his shoulder to the edge of the cliff tapering off into a deep drop mear meters behind him.

Poe shook his head. The thought had crossed his mind, how simple it would be to do such a thing, yet he never would be able to actually do it. The General had been correct. Even in life, Hux knew very little about Poe. Both men had stayed secretive with one another, a true trust never establishing between one another due to fear that one would use it against it another. Hux knew some things about Poe though. How he liked to be kissed, how he could touch the pilot to make him groan into a pillow and see stars. They were never given enough time in life to learn the superficial things about one another, what color they favored the most or what foods they enjoyed.

“No. I could never do that to you” Poe admitted. “I don't want you to go”.

Whatever this was, this strange conglomeration of the Force and technology working together was a second chance. Hux would always been tied to the island, feeding from the engery that seemed to pulse from every blade of grass and drop of rain. 

Hux stepped forward towards Poe and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. The pilot relaxed into his embrace, pressing his face into the general’s coat. It still smelled faintly of smoke and stardust, exactly how Poe remembered him to smell.

“I wanted to know you better” Hux admitted. “I always did. We have a chance now". 

Pulling from the fabric, Poe rested his chin on Hux's chest, looking up at him. There was a sincerity in Hux’s gaze that was not one of a hardened General, but one of a man who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved in return.

“I know you did” Poe said sadly as his fingers traced against Hux’s chest, memorizing every stitch and thread of his coat. “But I can't stay here with you". 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
